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Strange Calm / Blushing Autumn

by Jasper Sloan Yip

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1.
Where to begin? It’s all starting to end. Our halcyon dream, like an old magazine you unfold to read about a place someone told you about once. Your last cigarette is still on your breath. The last ten years still ring in your ears. You don’t know how to change your life even though you keep trying and trying. I suppose you don’t want to change at all. But I do
2.
Gin Fizz 04:01
Look at the life that we’ve built and must fill. face on a carton of milk - I feel gone. I hope I can take what you’ve got to give. Do we look like the lives that we live? I don’t know. I feel gone. But you’re bigger than everything else here around me. Shivering stars hiss and rattle around the void; shimmering light mingling with your whispered voice; soft skin aglow on the beach in the warming wine; I can’t recall ever having a better time.
3.
Strange Calm 05:58
The city looks beautiful from here. I haven’t left the house all day. I always want to be alone to watch the day sigh, and give way. Your body looks beautiful from here. I force myself to look away, into your reflection in the mirror which turns to me with such a strange calm. Wherever you look you see yourself. You’re lost with everything you’ve done. The freedom to be an open mess sets in and gives you such a strange calm.
4.
Help me find the silver lining here at the end. Run your finger all along the edge. I feel worn out, almost torn, like and old leather belt: Broken here but smooth everywhere else. Help me find the silver lining. What has it meant? I wonder, was it worth the fortune spent? There’s still time, love, for you and I, but it’s time to go. Wherever onward, you and me, let’s blow. I know we can still save our souls. You go on forever. I want to go on with you. You float like a feather I want to float on with you. Come back to me.
5.
Oleander 04:25
Grow wild, Oleander. All around me, wherever. Hold me, keep me together. Stood in the water. Heard the moon at the bottom Don’t know what I’d have done without you. Fell asleep with the lights on. Can’t stay out of my dreams. Saw the shape of our fate for a moment, then: ba ba ba da ba ba da. The stars will forget all of our constellations, and after it all will you still care who made us? Whatever we do to each other gets washed away. Oh well. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
6.
On the Beach 05:38
I see you every day. Even if you don’t come around. I look for you everywhere I go. Wild Oleander. Thank God I found you. Wild motion spun me loose, out from the center. I floated forever. I floated right into you. Now I see you every day. Even if you don’t come around. I look for you everywhere I go. And I feel it all around. I feel it the most when I’m alone. It comes with me everywhere I go. So don’t look so sad my darling Mary, I can change. I can separate the water from the waves. As the constellations drift apart and lose their shape, I wanted to say that I would do it all again with you.
7.
A silhouette of us together: dappled light in the afternoon. Are they here yet? Can you feel them? I feel everything that you do. Pilling cotton. Blushing autumn. Somehow everything old is new. A premonition - your apparition - flooding my field of view. Am I getting in over my head with you? Where in the world are you right now, and when are we going to meet? Where in the world are you right now, and who are you going to be? A silhouette of us together passing slowly before the moon.
8.
August 04:15
We fell through the autumn. Still waiting to land. Still feel the strange calm that I cannot name with a word, all around. Your teeth meet right in the middle of me. So what do we call you? Will you understand? You’re coming in August, I promise you I’ll think of nothing else until then.
9.
Anew 04:32
Kill the engine and sit in the driveway. Tailwind rushing in from the highway whispers: All that I wanna do is love you. Video-dreaming in tele-vision. Left a note on the fridge in the kitchen that says: All that I wanna do is love you, wherever you are. Warming supper for you in the kitchen. Other people don’t know what they’re missing. Breath in your hand and an ear to the door, I can’t remember how we lived before. Yet, amidst all this sadness, I’ve learned to love you anew.
10.
Some God left a beautiful morning waiting here for us to find. Hallelujah! I wish that you and I felt like this all the time. I watch as you walk to the window and pull the curtains open wide. Let it in, the world as it is, and illuminate our little lives. It only takes a little light. But every night, beside you, I lie awake. Honey, I’m doing everything I know to do, but it’s still not enough. Honey, I’m getting buried, to tell you the truth, just trying to keep this up. Some days are worse than others. Most nights I watch the moon as it travels to the other corner of my view. So what do I do when every night, beside you, I lie awake?

credits

released October 26, 2021

Strange Calm:
Jasper Sloan Yip - vocals, guitars, mellotron, wurlitzer, piano
Owen Connell - synths, wurlitzer, mellotron, guitar
Graham Serl - drums
Marcus Abramzik - bass

All songs written by Jasper Sloan Yip.
All music arranged by Jasper Sloan Yip, Owen Connell, Marcus Abramzik, and Graham Serl.
Produced By Jordan Koop and Jasper Sloan Yip.
Recorded and mixed by Jordan Koop at the Noise Floor on Gabriola Island.
Mastered by Philip Shaw Bova.

Blushing Autumn:
Jasper Sloan Yip - vocals, guitars, piano
Owen Connell - synths, piano, wurlitzer, mellotron
Graham Serl - drums
Marcus Abramzik - bass
Stephanie Chatman - violin
Devon Kroeger - violin
Alex Hauka - cello
Matt Kelly - pedal steel

Written by Jasper Sloan Yip.
Music arranged by Jasper Sloan Yip, Owen Connell, Marcus Abramzik, Graham Serl, Stephanie Chatman, Devon Kroeger and Alex Hauka.
Produced By John Raham and Jasper Sloan Yip.
Recorded and mixed by John Raham at Afterlife Studio in Vancouver.
Mastered by Philip Shaw Bova.

This project is funded in part by FACTOR, the Government
of Canada and Canada’s private radio broadcasters.
Ce projet est financé en partie par FACTOR, le gouvernement
du Canada et les radiodiffuseurs privés du Canada.

Supported by Creative BC and the Province of British Columbia

Copyright 2021 Jasper Sloan Yip under exclusive license to Tiny Kingdom Music Inc

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